Aku pergi pada 31 December

SSo,kalau orang da tak suka kita,apa yang kita nak buat?? Pakse?? Hmm itu bukan cara aku.
Walaupun dia marahkan aku,aku takkan lepaskan dia senang senang...sebab aku masih ada
kewarasan akal. Aku taknaklah menyesal dikemudian hari. Tak ape, sakitkan lah aku berkali kali,
sebab ruang kemaafan untuk dia sentiasa terbuka buat dia. tapi aku rasa sakit hati sangat!!!!!!!!!
rasa macam aku ni bodoh sesangat! Sedangkan dia tak hiraukan aku langsung!! *letak tangan
kat pinggang sambil geleng kepala.. haizzzzz..hmmm kakak aku ni pun satu!! buat hal jer!!!!
aku tak tahu apa salah aku!! tolonglah!! jgn buat raihan macam ni!!!!!!! Raihan da banyak sangat problem..
jadi gila raihan macam ni!!!!!!
Kakak!! *tekup muka sambil nangis and geleng kepala!
Hmm..aku cuma harap,2013 ni, takkan melukakakn hati aku lagi!!!!!!!!!!
aku tak sanggup lagi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hancur waras aku!! semua salah kakak aku and si pemilik hati aku ini!!!!!!! aku dah tak sanggup
lagi dilukai.. *ceyh..ayat!!
k whatever. Happy new year guys!!


dengar ah lagu ni!

This song!

So after i got my heart smashed in to pieces, I've been listening to this song again and again and again!!
Hahaha...it hurts tho...

Tiba-tiba engkau ada
Kemudian engkau hadir
Laksana kerdil ku memeluk
Lihat aku lebih dalam

Di matamu ku melihat
Ada cinta yang tersirat
Sirami hati merebak

Barangkali aku salah
Ku terdiam bukan bisu
Tahu engkau besar malu
Tutupi rasa gelisah

Biar saja waktu nanti
Yang menikmati kisah ini
Bersamamu aku senang

Belum juga kah kau menyadarinya
Akulah yang pantas untuk kau cintai
Di bawah langit biru aku bersumpah
Diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

Arti cinta ini sudah menelan waktuku
Siang malam hanya untuk pikirkan engkau
Sejuta kali aku berani bersumpah
Diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

Biar saja waktu nanti
Yang menikmati kisah ini
Bersamamu aku senang

Belum juga kah kau menyadarinya
Akulah yang pantas untuk kau cintai
Di bawah langit biru aku bersumpah
Diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

and i am watching this story...

Broke up

So i just broke up! and i dunno what to do!! I feel so stupid,and restless! Huh!!
and god!! Why do i feel sooooooooo helpless??
Am i that stupid to love him? or am i sooo blind?
Blinded by love? fine, I am sooo stupid.
I still remember his smiles,his laugh and his face! The way he acts,the way he talk and the way he walks.
Damn!! Oh Nur Raihan..stop dreaming! But i always have these doubts in me. Whatever..

where did you go??

Where is he??
Ok since he's gone for a while, boleh aku curang kejap??
Boley aeh sayang!! :) sekejap jer!!
heee

So..this is my new picture...rindu tak nak tengok muka aku??

hee...makin lawa tak??
Agaknya..lawalah kan?? *baling kasut! hahahah


whatever..aku sebenarnya takde topik nak type..so.. aku layan ini video..best sial!!

Girlish

Im girlish..so what?nak aku jadi ape? Tomboy?? ayat yang aku rasa nak bagi penampar!

"You act like a girl! You cry a lot! Don't be silly!"
"Fuck!! What the hell do you think i am? A man? And are you trying to say that girls are SILLY!??" Hmm???" answer that!!

For dumb boys..this is what girls always do!!

#1. We LOVE to TALK!

We have mouth..so why must you stop us from talking hah?? We are alive..so we,as human,really need to talk. Are you saying that we girls,must shut up?? do you like a girl,who does not talk?? i would say, it's the same as if you date a doll or a mannequin! Talk to a cat or something! Shish! Its like saying, don't breath,you're annoying! Grow up lah!

#2. We cry!

We cry! Why? Because you guys,don't understand what girl needs! All you say that we complaint to much! We cry to much! We control you to much! Hey, we girls, love you okay! We cry because we want you to know that we lovee you sooo much! as deep as the ocean! As high as the sky!

#3. We love to shop

We shop so that we look pretty! why? because it's for you,boys! Why? So that you won't look for another girl! Why? Because of love! so tell me, where's your effort to fight for the love you had? we girls,are not games okay!




This is what i wear!

And this:

and not forgetting...THIS


MAKE UP! But i like natural makeup:)

He lied so i cheated!

So i was browsing..and this was what i found:

Hahahaha...sob sob sob...I cried!
you know why? Cause he cheated on me with another girl? He is just a lucky bastard cause even after i left him,my heart longs for him. My mind thinks of him My arms longs for his hugs! "Bitch am i that sentimental? No way! But he really stays in my mind. Because of him,i cant love anyone else after him!
And i met him last saturday...
Fuck this shit! Im out! or else im gonna cry!!

Yeah i got this skinny pants

Well so i went back to singapore and guess what, i got a skinny jeans from my aunty..
well well..i really like that pants,but..urghh i don't want to look fat in that! So yeah,my mum was asking me to lose some weight.hahaha...

"DID I SAY LOSE WEIGHT??"

Neh...probably tomorrow! well that's my idea of procrastination! Hahaha!!

But.. i have to!! cause i don't want my stomach to bulge out cause i just got this nice mini dress! And im
gonna wear it after SPM..hee

So??

Kay...so now what? Mad? what makes you so special that you can scold me all you want?
Is it me being so sensitive or is it you who are being such a paranoid?
If you want me to leave you,then i will! If that makes you happy not seeing my face, then it's fine then! My face is not as beautiful as an angel. As an demurring as your lover's look! Looks,if you don't want me to be in your life,it's fine,then don't come and get mad at me! You make me feel like shit! But still..even if that happens, i want you to know that:

You are the reason for my smiles.
You are the reason for my laughter.
But..
You are also the reason for my sorrows.
You are also the reason for my cries,despair and the tears rolled on my cheeks.
Even for all the things you've done to me, i wont let you go. If im happy,i hope that you can feel what i feel. And when im in despair, i hope that you wont forsake me! Through thick and thin, i wish you would be right by my side. And i hope you wont lie to me! Do you ever realise how much do you mean to me? I kept on forgiving you because i dont wanna let you. If you go,let alone be my companion. I rather get stucked with the memories we had. I rather live under your shadows! Do you know that you could take my 10 years of life in just 1 sentence, 3 words and 12 letters? So tell me,where do i stand in your life?

 Accept the fact that you've gone was the hardest thing in life that i had ever faced.
Accept the fact that you are happier with someone else was the saddest thing that has ever happened to me.
Accept the fact that i am your sorrows when i thought that i was the reason you smiled was the devastating moment of my life.
Accept that you have always crossed my mind when the fact i was not in your mind at all was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me.
But you my dear, i have no grudge towards you nor do i hate you. Having you in my life was the only thing tht enlightens my day! Fullfil my dreams. But when fate does not let us to be together,oh what human art would that be?
Translation
Menerima kenyataan kau tlah pergi adalah sukar buatku.
Menerima kenyataan bahawa kau sudah pergi bersama yang laen adalah kesedihan buatku.
Menerima kenyataan bahawa aku merupakan kesedihan kamu sedangkan aku menyangka diriku penyebab kamu tersenyum adalah sesuatu yang paling pahit untukku terima.
Menerima kenyataan bahawa kau telah melewati fikiranku sedangkan aku tidak pernah berada di fikiran kamu adalah perkara yang menyakitkan hatiku.
Tapi sayang,itu tidak membuatku berdendam sama kamu,kerana kehadiran kamu walaupun sebentar telah membahagiakanku.jadi mengapa harusku menyalahkan takdir apabila takdir yang menyatukan kita dan takdir juga yang memisahkan kita?

So tell me where do i stand? In your life?

If you love someone

If you love someone, don't hurt them like i did!
The way i acted, hurt them a lot!
If you love them, but you have someone else, let them know,let them go,don't hurt them!
I know, because i've tried, and it's bad! very bad!
If you are reading this, i seek forgiveness. cause honestly, i have done you wrong!
You are one in a million and i guess, someone else will love you more then i do!
just try to understand me that sometimes, we are not meant to be together!
I am stupid to let you go! But to be with you hurts me!
To see you smile and laugh makes me happy, but when you know that there are somethings that can separates you, you think you should leave them and go ahead and live your life!
i am not a poetry type of person but..this is what i have to present you:

Butterfly Whisperer

To some stranger you might be nothing at all.
But to me you are why I wake up in the mornings,
You are the reason why am not crying anymore.
You were the gentle man that came along,
And put together the pieces of me someone else had made.
Every time our lips meet its like we have made a trip around the universe,
Just me and you looking down on everyone else.
I know whenever those 3 words are going to be said it will be heaven on earth,
I will melt to the soil beneath your feet.
But now even being reminded you like me calls those butterfly’s to my stomach.
It’s like your voice has a secret code for the butterflies all over the earth,
Every time you speak they always show up.
Just remember,
To a stranger you might mean nothing at all.
But to me you’re my butterfly whisperer,
My smile.

and that is what i have to give you! To tell you. To whisper to you when you're asleep cause i have nothing other then words to please you



this song is for you! <---- br="br" click="click" style="background-color: #3d85c6;" this="this">

Friends...

So after a while...aku mula fikir...if dia nak tinggalkan aku...apa aku boleh buat kan??
So i think that...just maybe...maybe we could be friends. So what does friends actualy means?
Hahahaha...aku pun tak berapa tahu lah...but what i know is that,its a treasure i can never lose!
So let me give you a few type of friends..

#1. Good friends.

Nah.....yang ni mungkin kawan yang baik jer. But not your closest. There are differents between close and good friends. these kindda people are polite to you. But beware, they can turn nasty okay! They can turn to backstabber. only when they got hold of your secret. but bukan semua macam tu. kekadang dorang ni baik jugak. People are individuals right?

#2. Best Friends.

Yang ni paling best! Best friends act rude around you! Played prank on you but always save your retarded ass when you are in trouble. You can say anything abusive but eventually they will reply with more insult! hahaha..i have a bunch of sick and retarded friends like this and i love them sooooooo much! Siapa lagi kalau bukan GG and Ana!! i love them to bits sebab dorang ni gila gila!! we have fun together and we cry together! Fuck the world,who cares when we have aech other right? i treasure them more!

#3. Weathered friends

These kindda people are easy to find! When you are happy, they will surround you! be happy with you! but when you're fucked, they leave you! they left you to sort out your own problems! Bitch please, these kindda people,i advise you to stay away from them! Or you're gonna have a bad time!

#4. Childhood friends

Er this one...we sure have some stupid memories right? Like slept over at one's friend,and did something embarrassing?? i dun wanna talk bout this cause, when you're a kid, you do many stupid things right?? skip this!

#5. Backstabbers

You called this you friend?? Bitch please, the only thing they know is telling your secrets to someone else. like your mutual enemy for instance? Kompem dorang akan jaja jaja cerita about you! This are a bunch of good for nothing kindda friends. i don't have any intentions to insult them,but you guys realllly do need to get a life!  Stop acting like you god damned perfect!




So that is all what i have to say bout friends! I advice you guys to find friend who understand you! who can be by your side to save your retarded ass!

I am not trying to be fake!

Ok...this time,aku nak cakap pasal fakeness!
here's the deal! I am not fake! i cant fake my thoughts and my feelings.

Everything in life change! And i know i do change. To you, i may change but i don't change as much as you do! looking at your pictures makes me sick. Not because im jealous or something its just that, im disappointed that im not the reason for your smiles cause i used to be the reason for your smile and laughter!

I am sorry if this is the reason that we have to go separated ways! Aku takkan halang kau kalau kau nak pergi tinggalkan aku! Aku dah biasa ditinggalkan dan menyendiri! Lagipun,in life,people change and life goes on. I think you have just found someone who loves you! Someone who can replace me by your side! I know that you have a bad time trying to convince me that my replacement is a good kindda person. But somehow,I can't accept that you are happy with someone else! I do hope that you can go away from my life! I need space to ease my mind! Separate ways are the only choice left! Cause I can't tolerate with my replacement! I don't want you to be busy with me only! You have someone so you should better be with them then me!I don't want you to feel sooooo bored with me and i don't wish to hurt you! Its not that i don't love you, but being apart is a better choice! I don't have any choice! Anyway, if i dont go now, i will eventually leave you cause people die, and so do I! I can't be with you all the time!

lain

Hmm sejak dapat tahu semua benda yang disembunyikan ni...Ntah kenapa aku rasa lain. bukan sebab marah kecewa or sedih..tapi entahlah.lain macam jer kalau nak sms dia lagi.Sebab aku rasa macam aku ni menyibuk je.Sedangkan dia kata aku boleh carik dia bila bila masa je sebab dia taknak severe the ties between us. Cakap memanglah senang. Tapi aku rasa dia macam busy je! Dan aku rasa macam aku ni pengganggu kehormat.Apakah??Aku ni hipokrit ke ah? Buat buat tak rasa kehilangan sedangkan aku terasa gila!! Apa yang aku dah buat ni??Tuari waktu dia call and sounded mad and pissed off...aku telah mencampakkan handphone dia atas katil..pastu jalan beberapa langkah..aku jatuh.Jatuh dan nangis.Bukan sebab sakit.Tapi mengenangkan apa yang aku dah buat.It's never my intention to hurt anyone. But why must you hurt me? Do you actualy thought that by letting me figure out everything would be okay? NO! Hell no! It would hurt me to the max. But you? You really thought it's okay! I really felt like crying. *apparently i did!for the pass 3 days. I sometimes pretend not to know anything when the fact,i have everything figured out and you...you came to me and lie all your way! Thanks! But hey im not stupid! I got everything at the back of my hand. I love you! I still do! But please. Cut this crap! Don't be the reason for my tears when i was the one who wipe of your tears when you need me!kbai!

Mad and im a deceiver

to tell you guys..honestly I AM A DECEIVER!
i lie!
And im mad at myself for lying to the person im stuck with now. Tell melah..can you force your feelings??
the answer is NO!!!
I hate the fact that i can't be with the one i love but stucked to the pass!
I sucks! I know! Is it just me or is there something wrong with my god forsakken life im leading?
Its a crappy and a dull life!
Fcuk! im dead! honestly my life's a mess. my mind is completely wrecked and i can't think straight!
As if i've done something good.
But you know what, I feel like running away from all my problems. Away from the life im living. And most of all away from this place. I never regret meeting anybody here except for a bunch of lollipop sucking bitches and a few annoying people in life! Ah shit! What the hell am i babbling?
but sriously..fo those i deceived, im sorry..sometimes..i just dont know whats wrong with me and i know,i acted like a bitch!
well sometimes.
Its just that...oh come on
Cubalah kau mengerti....aku taknak ini semua berlaku
tapi kadang kadang aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku kene buat pilihan yang salah sedangkan aku dah tahu risiko dan kesudahan cerita kita!
aku tahu aku salah...jadi maafkan aku!
For give me once again cause i wanna go my own ways.
I hope that i can go somewhere far! Far from my dissapointments
Far from everything that hurts me
and farfrom all the person i know and loved cause i cant bear to be the reason for each of your tears rolling on your cheeks.
I am brave enough to let you guys go when the fact i will not be okay and i am gonna die. do forgive me..even if you are not willing to let me go..just hope for the best for me. and if i think i should come back when all my wounds on my heart is recovered..probably i will be back.but thats not a promise....
you know me but you dont know what i have been through.what pain events had i faced. try walk in my shoes...and you will understand me better!